Wed, Jan 4

I had a ton of things I needed to do today--a deadline: today. And they all just slithered out of my head. The anxiety and overwhelm of the first day back at work coexisting in perfect harmony with the chemical deficit of attention in my brain. Write it all down, yes of course, but in the meantime *I forgot how important it was to look at the place where I wrote it all down.* Some of the things I even wrote down twice, I see now.

Never mind; this evening I also read an entire novel for work while making dinner and doing the initial stages of my first ever ice-cream cake (for Beatrice’s birthday) and text-bantering with my friends and shepherding the children bedward and making a log of 30-year-old films I’ve been meaning to watch. And I guess that’s all productive? I would like to experience the peace (I imagine) of a quiet mind.

I have a only half day of work tomorrow, and I already know I’m going to be gasping with anxiety around 9:45am, wondering how to make it all happen before noon. I’m not sure about this “real job” stuff. Some of us would simply like to attend a Thursday matinee of My Neighbor Totoro on Ice* without nagging concerns, thank you.

*It _is_ on ice, right? It better be!